The vaginal microbiome (often called vaginal flora) plays a crucial role in intimate health, preventing bacterial imbalances and potentially influencing other conditions such as sexually transmitted infections, fertility issues, and even gynecological cancers. This work critically explores present and future technologies that engage with the vaginal microbiome through four speculative provocations. We conceptualize futures with self-tests, smart sensors, domestic microbiology labs, microbiome influencers, microbial donation, and microbial fermented foods — where the vaginal microbes become central to interactive technologies. In doing so, we unpack the more-than-human and critical feminist concerns that arise, challenging us to rethink our relationship with the vagina, as well as with the unseen inhabitants that coexist within it. We discuss the growing intersections of feminist HCI, Bio-HCI, and More-than-Human Design, reflecting on the implications of these proposed futures for our field, hoping to inspire more collaboration and discussion at these intersections.